The Cappuccino

Like a cup of the well known beverage, this one is hot and frothy. The low roar of the foamer on the cappuccino machine is very similar to the sound echoing below you as the burn begins to spread. As the aroma fills the air, you attempt a pre-emptive flush, hoping to splash some cool water on the burning froth. You have dispensed the cappuccino.

The Reincarnation

Something died in your mouth as you chewed your food. It could be your dinner at a restaurant that just didn't quite met your expectation. It could have been Mexican food that just didn't settle right. It could be Mongolian Barbecue food that sat at the prep bar a little too long. Whatever it was, it died as you ate. Your stomach knows it. Your intestines know it. Karma is about to show its face. After much wincing and pain, wondering when your sentence for eating something wrong will be over, the time has arrived. A pain that causes you to drop what you are doing and run to the porcelain delivery room fills your body. You clench your lower cheeks, praying that your gluteuous muscles are stronger than your labor pains. You sit, it arrives. The aroma of what ever died in your mouth fills the air, stench amplified by a thousand times. It has been reborn. You have been blessed with the reincarnation.

The Magician

After much strain and work, you are relieved. It has been a long journey for both of you. After that much effort, there must be something very large waiting below. Will it be a plugger? Anticipation rises as you make you ascent off the seat to see the fruits of your labor. What?!? Where did it go? Nothing but clear white porcelain... the image burns into your retinas. There was something! You felt it! You have been visited by the magician. His favorite trick..... the disappearing act.

The Pot Roast Pile-Up

Mimicking a slow cooked pot roast with all the trimmings, this poo is just that. All the care and preparation needed to create a masterpiece for the dinner table goes into making a masterpiece for the porcelain. Just as the roast is slow-cooked, the main entree of the Pot Roast Pile-Up is too. You feel it coming on and "heating" up hours before it arrives. Just as you can smell the hunger-invigorating aroma from a pot roast, this poo usually has a distinct "hot" smell to it. When it comes to presentation, this masterpiece gives second to very few daily droppings. Carefully arranged at the bottom of the toilet resembling pot roast before being served. Although a nice pot roast dinner leaves you feeling quite full, this experience will leave you feeling very empty inside.

The Beached Whale

Also known as "The Drydocker" and/or "The Stranded Sub;" this daily dropping is more than just your average deposit. Usually large and in charge, moderatly painful, and ever satisfiying. This poo wants to say hello before you say goodbye. The most notable feature of this poo is the upper third portion that rests its head on the porcelin above the waterline. Thus calling it a"The Beached Whale." Normally one piece and usually hard to flush. This poo can be a precurser to "The Titanic." Be sure to have your wooden spoon or plunger handy, this one could be a "doo-doosy" to flush!

The Titanic

It is so large, you feel like you are passing an iceberg between your cheeks. But that is not what makes this memorable. When it finally has left port and the flush starts it on its maiden voyage, its shear size causes it to break up as it begins its decent to the bottom of the bowl. It is amazing that it is going to fit down the hole in the bottom of the bowl. Be sure to follow the sinking by a rescue of epic wiping.

The Nightmare

It comes to you in your dreams. A pain that eventually awakens you with its unpleasant sensation of urgency. It hurt while you were asleep. It hurts on drowsy walk to the commode. Sleepily you begin to expel the painful buildup. "YEOW" all traces of sleep or tiredness are gone as the pain tears awakedness through you like a bolt of lightning. Yes, that got your attention. It will be awhile before you can sleep again. You will be in pain for some time. The nightmare lingers on.